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If The Revs Want Jermaine Jones They Need Heroes, Or At Least Celebrities

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The New England Revolution are finding themselves in a battle for the services of US international Jermaine Jones. It is an exciting place to find ourselves. But in a celebrity driven world, the Revs are finding themselves out of luck.

You want Jermaine Jones? You goes to be classy…and preferably famous.
You want Jermaine Jones? You goes to be classy…and preferably famous.
Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

The New England Revolution have entered a rare territory that they have never been in before. No, it's not the current poor form. We've seen a lot of that over the years. It is not that the FO is going after a Designated Players - a pretty big name Designated Player at that. The FO seems to go after, or at least claim to go after, big time (Luis Fabiano) or even small time DPs (hello, Jerry Bengtson and Milton Caraglio), even if the deals never come to fruition, like the former, or end up failing in the eyes of supporters, like the latter.

Rather, it is opening up to the media that they are going after a big name player. They are not keeping this a secret. Not only have they let it be known loudly that they are at least in some form making a run at Jermaine Jones, they let it be known after Jones's salary demands became clear. Ballsy. Especially for a team that has been relatively media inept since forever.

I mean seriously, New England is in on Jones to the point where they have asked Big Daddy Bobby for permission. They want this toy, and they know how much it costs. So, now is the time where all of New England, or at least us normal plebeians, stands still and awaits the verdict of Jones. Will he or won't he. The fact is New England is jumping into the fray for a big player. And unfortunately, the only way to land big players is with big time playas!

Celebrities are the new It Factor in MLS. When Jermain Defoe touched down for Toronto FC it was in no small part - at least in my mind - due to the influence of Drake. When Clint Dempsey ended up with the Seattle Sounders, I think we all knew it was because Macklemore was a die-hard Sounders supporter. When anyone wants to go to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy, everyone is well aware the sole reason to end in Carson is for the opportunity to play before Gabriel Luna, the star of the Twitterly acclaimed spy drama Matador.

But who is drawing players to Foxboro? Where is our Drake? Who is our Macklemore? When will we have a Tony Bravo to call our own? Right now in Chicago, our apparently prime rival for Jones's service, Lupe Fiasco is tweeting to Jermaine Jones that he should join the fire. No, seriously, he is:

See!

It has become clear from Jones' Instagram that he loves celebrities. It doesn't matter if the celebrity is crazypast their fifteen minutes, or insane. Jones loves celebrities. So where are our New England-based celebrities? Why have they not come to the aid of the Revs?

Boston has a plethora of talent in it. Ben Affleck has a chance to be our Batman. Matt Damon could show his good will. David Ortiz could be the true Big Papi we want by delivering the gift of Jones. Heck, if we wanted something not punny, Tom Brady could show the people of New England that soccer matters just a wee, bitty bit.

But no. Not even our B-List celebrities are calling for Jones. Where are you Donnie Wahlberg? BJ Novak? Slaine? The guy who directed Boondock Saints? None of them can spare 140 characters.

I'm trying to keep my spirits high over the slippage of news. I'm trying to pretend that going after Jones is a huge step for the Revs - and frankly just going after him is. But until we can get our celebrities, even our B or C-List ones, arbitrarily, and honestly a bit pointlessly, tweeting high caliber players we have lost the PR battle.

Of course I won't care if we win the war.