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Sainey Nyassi is the Answer, Duh

The Revolution lack speed and width in their attack. Somewhere in the deep, dark confines of Gillette Stadium, there lurks a blisteringly-fast winger aching for a sniff at the match day squad...wherefore art thou, Sainey Nyassi?

For those of you who are confused, this is what a goal celebration looks like. I know, right?
For those of you who are confused, this is what a goal celebration looks like. I know, right?
Jim Rogash

The New England Revolution are living in a land played in the middle of the pitch. At any given time, there appears to be upwards of five central midfielders on the pitch at once. This is not too different from last year when the team was also stuck playing a glut of central midfielders. At one point against Seattle, the midfield consisted of Kalifa Cisse, Clyde Simms, Lee Nguyen, Kelyn Rowe, and Juan Toja (who was allegedly playing forward). Each of those players is traditionally a center mid.

Sometime during the Seattle "game", I became infatuated with Sainey Nyassi. I am now tabbing him as our potential savior, because Lord knows we need one.

Sure, Nyassi may not be a true out-and-out winger, but he could potentially stretch the field. Nyassi could, with his speed, leave room in the middle for Nguyen, Rowe, or Toja to stop continuously banging into each other. This would seem ideal.

However, for reasons no rational person can figure out, Nyassi has not been making the game day 18. Over the five games New England has played this season, Nyassi has yet to be included on the roster. This seems odd, because, every report says Nyassi "looked good in practice". Apparently, any writer covering the Revs has to include this phrase into his or her practice report or risk having their credentials taken away. Frankly, if he is looking so good in practice, would it not make sense to include him in the games?

At the end of last year, when the Nyassi situation first started, it appeared that he was on the way out. However, June Option time came around and he was still with the squad. At the end of the season, players like Benny Feilhaber and Alec Purdie were waived. Not Nyassi, though; he stayed on. So when the USLPRO deal came to fruition, Nyassi - a player coming off injury who did not appear to be in the plans - seemed to be an ideal candidate, but he stayed with New England. Meanwhile, Matt Horth and Gabe Latigue (players who New England could probably use right now) went to the Rhinos.

Right now, New England is not scaring anyone with their speed or width. In fact, even an injured Nyassi is probably the quickest player on this roster. Seriously? Who on New England scares other teams speed-wise? Diego Fagundez? Clyde Simms? Toja? Rowe? Nope. None of them are known for their speed. Granted, a person having speed is the only thing needed to play in MLS, but it doesn't hurt. The players who are out on the pitch are not exactly frightening anyone with their blistering pace, their ability to burn defenders, or their ability to stretch the field. Maybe Nyassi could.

I smell conspiracy! Obviously, something is happening that is keeping Nyassi from playing, as his playing makes too much sense. There are really only four realistic possibilities that continue keeping him off the game day roster:

1. MLS hates New England. With Nyassi on board, the Revs would easily score 3 goals each time out and run away with Supporters' Shield. Therefore, in the name of parity, Don Garber has told Kraft the team will be folded if Nyassi plays.

2. Nyassi has insulted Jay Heaps, but Heaps is afraid to cut him because Nyassi is Bob Kraft's golfing buddy.

3. There is no Sainey Nyassi. Rather, he is just Sanna Nyassi pulling double duty and has been too tired from playing with Montreal to suit up for New England.

4. Nyassi (Sainey, not Sanna, if they are indeed not the same person) hates playing soccer, but has incriminating pictures of Brian Bilello, which he is using to blackmail him into paying him a salary.

Clearly, these are the only possible answers. Nyassi-gate (because everything needs a "gate") leaves us all scratching our heads waiting for the triumphant return of our would-be savior! (Or at least a guy who could potentially bring us speed and width).

Why do you think Nyassi is not playing? Why pay him not to play? Is he good as done when June options come around, or does Brian Bilello need to erase Nyassi's hard drive first? Comment below.